Men and Pornography As An Online Addiction
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INTO HIS MIND...
All it takes is a touch - not human but of a button - and a whole new world opens up before him. The right key is tapped and with it his deepest, inner most fantasies are unlocked. It’s all a click away: love, sex, every form of pleasure he can ever ask for - neatly packaged like hot take away he can order within seconds. Naked bodies, breasts of all shapes and sizes, small butts, big butts, no butts at all. Skin, hair, teeth, tongues - every color and ethnicity and all the shades in between! You name it, and it’s on the menu, ready made for him...... except, his hunger is never satisfied.
ENDLESS CHOICES
He doesn’t even need to dream any more; dreams are obsolete in this cyber world of endless possibilities.
Ageless, eternal fantasies for people who know how to live them. Warped, kinky, games of bondage, fetish, sadomasochism, orgies… he can be in his bed all day and live them all!
And he does. Meticulously combing through, surfing on the wings of his desire. It could be heaven… and it’s a pity it isn’t.
CURIOSITY
It started out slowly of course......as natural curiosity and sexual education in his teens to a much needed release in his 20’s. Guilt and novelty drove him towards it; loneliness and break ups fueled the fire. Later, it became the standard joke among friends - you weren’t normal if you didn’t enjoy some good, solid porn - except the days of Playboy have fast been replaced by the hardcore cyber version of it.
ESCAPE
At first, it was the occasional secret pleasure to indulge in while the wife went out, but when something went missing in his marriage, porn became the loyal partner to turn to.... the escape he longed for.... filling in the cracks with its sticky oily warmth. Now he cannot remember anymore how it’s intrinsically bound itself to a deep part of his everyday life, begun to substitute for real life relationships even.
In fact, with every door that closes on a relationship offline, a hundred ones open online: To secret enticing avenues leading into dark depths of forgetfulness… where passions always peak, and willing arms readily await him. No question of performance or failure here or even having to satisfy one’s partner. It's all online, so there's no guilt of an actual affair involved. No hassle, no fuss. He’s just a safe onlooker - another face in the dark crowd... unconditionally accepted.
ACCESSIBILITY
And they keep feeding his greed with newer features every time: live chats, free videos, phone sex, cams, more and more graphic and extreme content that leaves all his senses over stimulated. There are even ways to arrange a quick one within the hour: ‘Find local horny girls in your area. Free of cost." It couldn’t get easier. And the choices are endless. He already has his hands full. His days too. And like a child in a candy store, he's lost. Except, he isn't a child anymore.
ANONYMITY - DIVERSION
One has to admit though, that the anonymity it offers is one of the best parts.... all within the comfort of his own home, to turn on and off at his own luxury. One minute he could be reading a book; the next he’s logged on for a brief diversion and a bit of naughty fun. Nothing wrong with that! A little harmless something to break the monotony of his day, spice things up, or simply to relax when tired. Often, a quick fix when depressed. “So he jerks off to some porn? Who doesn’t? Whatever.” Shrug.
SUBSTITUTE FOR REAL RELATIONSHIPS
Yet, deep down inside, he’s still lonely and longs for real human touch, to be loved, and held and wanted for who he really is. But the woman in his life feels betrayed, confused, even angry…. Why porn when he has her, she asks. Is her body not good enough, can she not satisfy him like those whores he lusts after? Why this isolated sexual fantasy when he could spend time being with her instead? Yes, questions, always questions. Such hard work….so exhausting keeping up! You see, she’s got two separate things mixed up: one is just fantasy; the other real life and he knows where to draw the lines. Except, not anymore. Not really.
ADDICTIVE
In fact, slowly, gradually, porn has begun to color the way he looks at women now: Objects of pleasure, to be had at his mercy, to use, discard and move on. Tenderness for real women is being replaced by stereo types in his mind: Of course, she means 'yes' when she says 'no'! Besides, he often finds himself unaroused with just her alone, and needs that 'extra' something to excite him more often than he cares to admit.
And why work at a relationship anyway, when you can sex chat a new woman everyday, without emotional demands or strings attached? More, he doesn’t feel weakened or vulnerable in his cyber closet; he’s in control here – man of this world he walks into. Unchallenged, he takes it all on his own terms.
And already those big breasted women are beckoning to him…. their smooth bodies laid out before his eyes…. seducing him with their plastic smile, and shiny lipstick. Unlike a real woman, the cyber one doesn’t mind her hair being pulled, slapped, pinched, brutally dominated; instead she thanks you for it, moaning out her gratitude, however fake.
UNABLE TO RESIST
She’s fun - she smiles, she complies, she’s ready for him, and she gets straight to business. It’s the camera she’s staring at, but to him her eyes are inviting him into her. He may even hate himself for it later, but he’s too powerless to resist at the moment. And weakly he submits to the demands of his flesh, while his mind and heart remain as starved as ever. Leaving him unfulfilled and empty afterwards.... as all substitutes for real things do.
* This hub is, in no way, meant to be a judgement on the use of Pornography; It's just an attempt at understanding a man's psychology behind it's excessive use. And I have yet to study the mind of female users, so plan to do a follow up hub on this.
Different Perspectives On Pornography:
“Many people speak of porn as degrading to women because they see a woman who enjoys and gets into sex as shameful. In their minds, ‘good women’ don’t do such ‘nasty’ things, nor indulge in wanton pleasure. This perspective is still strong in the prudish society we live in.” – POV
"Some women feel threatened because they don't think they're as sexy as a porn star. But it's not about what he's not getting at home. It's the novelty. It's a turn-on." - Lynne Segal, professor of psychology.
“The problem with pornography begins when, instead of being a temporary stop on the way to full sexual relations, it becomes a full-time residence. The more time you spend in this fantasy world, the more difficult is the transition to reality." - David Morgan, psychologist.
“What’s most regrettable is that it can really affect relationships with women. I’ve seen young men who can’t get aroused with women but have no problem interacting with the Internet. It’s so accessible, with things like streaming video and Webcams that they get sucked into a compulsive behavior.” - Dr. Ofman, sex therapist.
“Porn by offering an endless harem of sexual objects, hyperactivates the appetitive system. Just as our muscles become impatient for exercise if we’ve been sitting all day, so do our senses hunger to be stimulated.” – Norman Doidge, M.D. Columbia University.
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NU, I had to unpublish this several time, because google is reading this as 'adult' content, so I've compromised on the ads. Never mind, it's the content that I put my heart into and as long as I keep that, all's good. Thank you my dear and loyal friend for always being there... x
Excellent analysis of a very tricky subject. Looking forward to the next one on women!
Thanks for this great read. Very meaningful and honest.
Love and peace
Tony
This is a greally great piece. So informative..As usual your writing opens my eyes to a whole new world. Your perpective is fresh. I can tell by your writing you are a kind soul.. Keep it up ~hugs~
My Goodness !
You make it very well appear as an illness one should be afraid of.
Scaring !
Hi Myownworld - here you have written another great article, totally different subject matter, but none the less an excellent piece of work of the highest quality. You portray the mind of the internet porn addict so well, and I do not doubt that it is a very accurate picture. After all, the internet allows an individual to build a whole new world for himself, free from the inconveniences and emotional vunerabilities of 'real' life. That is the scary and sad thing really, how some people are almost stepping out of the real world for a 'cyber' life that can really never exist. Many people may study psychology (I started once, but I quit!), but to be able to transfer the knowledge in a creative way like this is a rare skill. You describe a man's descent into his addictive fantasy world so vividly - I think you could write from anybody's perspective, which of course is what great writers so. :)
I love you Myownworld. I see your kindness in your hubs. I see your comments. I love you. In this honest love I have for you I have to respect you and what you really are. You are a caring person.
When I was coming up the only porn I had was the lingerie section in a mail order catalog. If this curiosity persists one finds that "he or she" is "missing "some fun".
The real goals should not be sexual exploits whether real or imagined. Time is better spent emulating Myownworld!
@ tony, yes, it was a very difficult subject and I don't condemn nor encourage it, but attempt here just to understand it. In fact, in many ways, I don't blame anyone for giving into the temptation, neither men nor women. It's only when it turns into an addiction that it's something to worry about. Anyway, thank you for your kind words, much love..x
@ BR: you know already how much I admire you as a person, so thank you for your wonderful words... stay strong x
LOL @ Zamp: oh stop it, will you! You know I'm not scaring anyone, just trying to understand it. And I'm no prude either, you know me better than that! But, hey, so good to see you! (flinging a cushion at you while sending all my love!)
@ Polly, I couldn't agree more with you...and thank you so much for your wonderful and kinds words. I think if we close our eyes, and let our minds stay open, we can imagine the feelings and thoughts of anyone in the world.... take care friend... :)
@ Micky, I have tears in my eyes as I write this comment... you are such a warm and wonderful person....and I cannot help but admire you. I'm just overwhelmed at your words........... a silent very special hug sent your way..x
Hi MOW. the first dollar spent online ever was for porn. It is an epidemic lifestyle for some and does have a huge impact on marriages/families. Good job. Hope you get your answers.
Ral...lol..yes, it's a fascinating subject, hence my interest in it. As long as it doesn't become an obsession, I personally don't see any harm in it! Take care, my friend, hope you're keeping well...? x
Thank you Lady G for the link... will definitely be reading it soon.
Well said. I never got into porn much because it is expensive and I resent that. The real thing costs about the same. The main problem I have with it is the way those women are treated by the industry. There are very much victims, very much abused, and so are the children, so I don't support it in any form. Also, I don't mean that I use prostitutes.
I agree Wrath.... some of the 'extreme' content I found was just shocking! And i cannot believe it's there for everyone to see. But I doubt if anyone can do much to stop all this, except to protect our children from it. Meanwhile, the demand for this kind of thing is only growing. Anyway, thank you for reading and your great comment! :)
Interesting hub on a touchy subject, and very well written to boot MOW:-)
Now for the "devil's advocate" response:-) Being candid, I do use internet-based pornography, as do many of my friends - male and female. I take care to note the use of the word "use" and not "need" here. I think that's very much the gist of your hub, if I have understood the message correctly - and the discussion surrounding the difference of those two words is very important to start.
The relevance of this is that the perspective from myself and my group of friends is that the influence of pornography in our lives has the capacity to be both positive and negative. While the apparently negative aspects of pornography are well and truly enumerated, I think the positive aspects are underappreciated.
Pornography can play an important role in nurturing sexuality and increasing your sexual horizons. As in the situation of a person who, although having a particularly high sexual drive, does not wish to engage in promiscuity - pornography can be a healthy outlet. Pornography can also be a valuable way to ease yourself into sexual tastes or habits which are marginalised and/or risky - without necessarily directly exposing yourself to a situation beyond your control or comfort level - you can try before you buy. I'm sure there's other benefits - but these are the two that come to mind.
As an aside, the moral quality of any specific sexual acts I would not presume to judge - except to say that as long as it's between two consenting adults - then it's perfectly valid. I don't have to like it. Too often, the discourse around pornography becomes entangled in the inherent morality or immorality of specific sexual acts. I would argue that morality in this instance is irrelevant. At issue is the influence of external media on our behaviours and tastes - and the extent that these influences have on our behaviour, and whether or not they are good or bad (to oversimplify!).
I think it would be quite interesting to include the persepctive of same sex couples in this issue. Many of my friends are gay and pornography plays a positive role in thier personal lives and sexuality, presenting no problem whatsoever to thier relationships.
So the persepctive of "addiction" is, in my opinion, a peculiarly feminine one. This is not to suggest that all women hold the same view, nor am I disparaging the "addiction" perspective, or discrediting gender-influenced views of any topic. Although male, I am a feminist. I wish simply to open up the debate and suggest that the default views of pornography are based on some not-so-obvious influences and baggage.
I would suggest that we should expand the conversation surrounding pornography to include men and same-sex couples before relegating this medium of expression to the status of a "problem."
Does pornography have a place in the world? I think so. Irrespective of any utilitarian benefits to be gained from it, it certainly does coalesce the issues of sexuality, censorship and gender in the public consciousness and for this reason alone, should be regarded with a higher degree of respect than it currently garners.
None of this is to suggest that I don't love this hub though - it's been very eloquently addressed in a tasteful manner - which in itself is a challenge! Very good work:-)
wow Ilm.... brilliant and I have to say, a very perceptive observation there. Firstly, let's clear one point: the moral issue of pornograph for me personally, is ' irrelevant'. As you have so well put: "At issue is the influence of external media on our behaviours and tastes - and the extent that these influences have on our behaviour..". Yes, exactly!
But there's one part where I disagree. This hub is NOT meant to state "whether or not porn is good or bad." Yes, anything which turns to an addiction, whether it's smoking, porn, religion even- is unhealthy and worrying. But every user isn't an addict nor ever likely to turn into one, and yet there are those who do. My aim was to understand that process/case in which one does. That's all.
And it isn't a warning of any kind either, but simply an attempt to understand pornography and be aware of some of it's extreme cases. Did I really come off as not appreciating it's 'benefits' or positive aspects? I was hoping not to...lol...! But there you are, I guess I am a woman afterall, and never realized I was giving this a feminist angle at all... ;)
I agree actually that it gives you a chance to experiment and for gay couples esp. this could be helpful - actually any couple if that it what they want and consent to mutually.
And yes, Porn has it's place... I will never deny it. That's what free societies are, and it's up to adults to make that choice. The only thing is knowing where to draw the line...and of course, some of the very extreme content I found during this research: child porn, teenagers being gang abused etc. I found very disturbing. But even then, I can only walk away... not ask others to.
Anyway, thank you so much for your comment... I always enjoy reading your thoughts...here and in the forums. Take care..and feel free to add any input any time. :)
MyOwnWorld, Great and Important review on a topic that is affecting many people today. The world is changing and it's best we learn things such as the details about Porn an online addiction. Great work rate all that is good! :) Peace :)
Thank you so much Katiem! Always a pleasure to see you... :)
Hello MOW! It is so good to see another hub from you for I have missed your deep insights!It is truly one of your best hubs, which says a lot because all of your hubs are great! I am not just saying this, it is really how I feel.
The problem with porn is that it can sneak up on you and become a obsession with out the person even being aware of it. Since I have shared some of the darker aspects of my self, I think you know that I am greatly aware of how quickly someone can become addicted to anything.
I my self was addicted to what I then saw as power...even though I have come to see that this "power" was just an illusion.
One thing you did not mention in your hub was the addiction to money that draws in both the people who produce the porn and women or men who get paid to do the sex acts. This also can be a destructive life style and can ruin a lot of lives.
Because of greed, some of these sites also use spyware and other scams to try to collect even more money. I myself, have just wrote a hum on this very subject.
So good to read your stuff again and do not be a stranger!
Sometime ago,i had a section and talked about sex addiction,cyber porn was one vital point so one thing that strike me in this hub is simply where you said thus:
"He doesn’t even need to dream any more; dreams are obsolete in this cyber world of endless possibilities".
You are right,thanks for sharing this...
I haven’t touched someone in a decade and so most of my adult sexuality has been a relationship to porn, which has recently begun to worry me. Not due to the lack of a real life relationship (that is a separate issue), but because I realized that my relationship to porn was never about seeking pleasure but rather seeking escape. Psychologically, there is a tremendous difference between engaging in behavior as a way of acquiring pleasure versus as a way to escape from pain (the pain of unfulfilled desire).
Ultimately, sexuality is in our minds, whether stimulated by images though our eyes or a hand on our skin. For me the important distinction to make isn’t between virtual and real but between pleasure seeking and escape seeking. After all, PLENTY of real life sexuality can be considered escape seeking behavior rather than pleasure seeking behavior (and equally unhealthy).
I suspect that the real problem is that people have a hard time being honest with themselves and with others about what they really want. And to genuinely seek pleasure, it is absolutely critical that people are honest. Once that doorway to their true desires is closed and their true desires unfulfilled, it is then they establish unhealthy patterns that give the illusion of actual fulfillment. I think it is the nature of illusion to produce diminishing returns – as in, you need more and more of it to be satisfied– which leads to addiction (whether sex addiction or porn addiction).
So I am trying to be honest with myself and I have stopped looking at porn.
Good job on the article.
@ HW: Great to see you old pal... how have you been? I really value your insights because your hubs have always stayed with me and I know you've had your share of 'demons' in your life. Yes, very important point there regarding the 'money factor' but well, this wasn't so much a hub on pornography itself as the psychology of it's users, but the issues it raises are well beyond the scope of a single hub I think. Anyway, thanks for the wonderful comment...and a big smile for you!
Ross, my friend, good to see you too and thank you for reading... and understanding :)
Porn in and of itself is not bad. It's the connotations that certain groups of people put on it. The bodyis beautiful but certain groups of people want all of us to think it is evil and of Satan. Those groups tend to have their own problems with the issue of what is in someone elses bedroom where they don't belong in the first place.
@ JS: you sound like a very strong and sensitive person; what amazes me is not only that you've been without sex for so long, but that you are able to step back and analyze your own feelings/thoughts about it. I mean, frankly speaking, who would actually do that, as long as they have the means to an end. And being honest about what you really want is the best place to start...:) Thank you for your great input! Much appreciated... :)
Thank you LG for your comment and your link. Pornography has different levels....and online porn is on another one altogether. The moral connotations are frankly speaking insignificant compared to the variety of content - very extreme some of it that can hit you on some of these sites. I wish I could post that stuff here, but I already had 3 attempts at this hub before i could get it approved. But yes, I agree with you... every adult has and should have the choice to do what they please, and no one should stop them. As I said before, this hub is just an attempt at understanding, not judging porn - and why/how it can get addictive. Thank you so much for reading... :)
Hey, MOW, If I were a porn addict (which obviously I'm not - tries not to look too guilty) I'd tell you from experience that you've summed it up perfectly. It's a love/hate relationship (I imagine), but being the wholesome young fella that I am I know nothing of such things. :D
Very very well written, in fact it's almost too insightful. Perhaps it's not just us guys who are inflicted with this terrible craving? ;)
But great as porn can be, it won't keep you warm at night.
Good job.
LOL @ Mrv. Well, trying not to look too guilty myself, all I can say is that a good writer should be able to put himself into anyone's shoes and imagine what they're thinking, no? Ok, I know you're not buying....so i have to admit, I did go through some heavy duty porn sites just to get a 'feel' of the whole thing... hmm.. haven't been addicted yet, so hopefully should survive! ;) Anyway, great to see you old pal... lots of love x
How the lines blur and thigns slip. Its healthy and natural, its hidden and forbidden. Ive known plenty of people who can look at it, and then walk off, no gult, no all consuming need to see it. Ive knows people who know the difference between realtiy and fantasy. And Ive known how it feels to cry myslef to sleep at night because Im not a shiny picture in a magazine. I think its much like alcohol, some peopel can have a drink with friends on weekends, and others hide in thier bedrooms getting drunk alone in the mornings. From my expierence anyway, I find this to be a key factor in how its viewed... "More, he doesn’t feel weakened or vulnerable in his cyber closet; he’s in control here – man of this world he walks into" great job MOW. xo
Thanks for approving my comment. You are right; it will get worse. It has always been and long will be as long as people we people are the same as we have long been. Also, there is a lot of money involved, and things can get ugly when you mess with someones big money. One good way to deal with many problems that hurt people on a large scale is through media. Presidents Bush's anti drug campaign shown mostly on television, that depicted the brain in a skillet being fried like and egg, comparing it to street drug use, caused drug use to drop way down for awhile. Then they decided they had solved the problem and killed the campaign. In no time street drug use went way up again. So media, when managed by a knowledgable company can do anything. It is very effective no matter which side it takes on the issues. Hubs like yours help also.
@ justine...I really appreciate your finding the courage to read something that touches a sensitive nerve with you. Personally, I too feel that irrespective of the reasons why someone is driven to it, it is harder for women to accept porn in many ways - esp. if the man you love enjoys it excessively at the cost of spending time with you. That hurts no matter how accepting you are.
I want to explore how men feel about their wives/girl friends enjoying it, though a part of me thinks most women with a fulfilling relationship in their lives, would not use porn that often, which cannot be said for men in steady/happy relationships. Such a huge subject.... so many questions! Anyway, thank you my dear friend, I do so wish we could simply talk in person rather than through emails... (will reply soon btw.) take care x
@ WW, of course I'd approve your comments; I find them most insightful! I agree with you, but good or bad, I think there is no stopping online porn from growing - which it must be remembered, is in another dimension altogether, compared to pornography OFF line. And no one really knows where it's going to go eventually. Anyway, take care and thanks again for your great comments! :)
Very meaningful hub,The analysis is good.I totally agree with you Myownword.
It isn't what is in my hub, but more of what is in the comments. They are just a tad bit toasty in there. I try to understand the why's/how's people get addictive too....not easy to understand.
MOw, you always are filled with surprises. Here I was waiting for your next hub eagerly and you are one gutsy women to write on this topic. This hub is very well written and one of the most tabboo topics which are difficult to deal with. The comments left by hubbers here in itself have so much going on. Rated it up.
Just want you to know I was here and will follow you for the rest of my life in Hubpages. Cheers.
Some women in a happy fulfulling relationships (that I know) often look at porn with thier significant other. I have a very good friend who had a boyfriend of 6 years leave her, due to her addicition to porn. My feeling is that it's not the porn itself that causes relationships to sour, but how its viewed, and the resulting actions when one side tries to keep secrets. Me, I actually have nothing against it on its own. Its a sticky situation, I guess. :)
ohh, just saw the last bit of your comment there! No worries, your a busy woman. Who knows, maybe someday I'll be in a diferent place, and we could have cup of coffee.
Excellent Topic with excellent points. I am fan.
@ Jite, thank you so much for reading and the comment :)
LG, I really hope to read that hub of yours later tonight... you are right, it's a fascinating subject and the comments/insights are what I'm enjoying even more!
@ CJ, you're a sweetheart, you know that right? Thank you for being here...and enjoying the little surprise! I don't know why but these tricky subjects are what intrigue and inspire me the most and though it's a challenge tackling some of them, I can't help but express the words forming in my mind! Hope you're doing well... just take care...happy to see you! x
lol @ justine: Who knows yes, you might come to london, one day and we'll then sit at a cafe and laugh our cares away.. like silly college girls, I imagine us giggling and sharing thoughts... ! And yes, I agree....it's not porn itself, it's what you make of it that matters. Take care, sent you an email.. :)
@ devsir: thank you for enjoying this... :)
right back at ya!! Got to run, be back in the am, well..my am. ;)
'For research' I'll have to remember that excuse, it's a good one. ;) But I couldn't agree more, it's always good to get a 'feel of the whole thing'.
And LOL at Justine 'It's a sticky situation!' Classic! :D
* My apologies MOW for introducing Beavis and Butthead humour into your beautifully written article. But I couldn't resist.
HAHAHAHAH Mr V. Im so happy somebody got that. =)
LOL @ Mrv and Justine... you two are free to do whatever you want, I mean post in here... and J, I did get it, was just trying to behave myself...! cheers both of you and hey, am going to email soon... just need some quiet time to do so. :)
Thanks myownworld. For those who recognise pornography as a problem in their own lives, they may find help here http://candeocan.com/
Some comments above have suggested that porn can be good for some, bad for others. I would suggest that such an attitude smacks of selfishness. Oh for the heart of love that says "If this causes you pain, it is an offence to me also." So often we self-justify with the words "It's not a problem for me", I would suggest instead, if it is a serious problem for your brother/sister, that's enough cause for it to be abandoned by you also; anything else is based on unloving self-satisfaction.
parrster, those who are consenting adults and married should not have others dictate what they do behind closed doors. They should mind their own business so says the bible.
first I came back cuz I remembered I never said sorry for being foolish on such a serious subject, but I did only mean to lighten things up a bit. Good thing your so understanding. Now I want to say..shucks to behaving!! No, not really, good for you. I do try, but well....it gets away sometimes. email..well, life gets on and its all good. :) Quiet is precious and not often. I hope you get some, and use it however you want with no feelings of obligations or guilt.
~Lady Guinevere~ You're quite right, it is not my place to dictate, all are free to make choices. I am simply saddened by what seems unloving disregard for others on this subject (and many others). As a Christian I must consider the welfare of others (Rom 14:15,20)
Christ implied our choices must stem from the two part Golden Rule: to love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul, mind and strength... and, to love others as yourself.
As example: In pursuing that Christlike attitude, the apostle Paul said, "If meat should cause my brother to stumble.. I will never again eat meat...". He had every right to eat meat, but due to the questionable practise back then of reselling sacrificed meat in the local markets as 'specially blessed meat", and the fact Christians were eating it though it violated their conscience (whatever is not from faith is sin), Paul was willing to give up eating meat full stop... That's a love decision. I sincerely believe the same attitude should be applied to pornagraphy... and especially by those following Christ.
Interesting. I could make more comments, but the subject has been disected from many angles before me. Well written.
@ Parrster: Thank you for all your comments; As adults in a free society, we all have freedom to make our choices, good or bad. Whatever I personally believe, I wouldn't judge or condemn anyone if their choices were different from mine. Also, we must not forget that porn is a huge growing industry BECAUSE there is a demand for it. Plus it doesn't harm everyone who uses it either; in fact, as you can see, lots of people derive pleasure from it, know where to draw the line and and lead very normal lives too. As I said earlier, my aim in writing this hub is not to condemn or encourage porn either way: but simply to understand what draws people to it. Take care friend, nice seeing you here btw. :)
@ LG: Couldn't agree more with you! :)
@ Justine, you silly girl, what on earth are you sorry for?! You know how often I 'misbehave' so stop it, ok? Jokes, insights, fun, serious discussions - all go side by side. It's how it should be. Take care, and NEVER change for the world! x
@ denise, thank you for reading - I know everyone has their own view and it's fascinating reading them all. Though I doubt if most people watching porn ever think twice about why they do it...! take care.. :)
Did you have any qualms about the use of those images?
@ Questionable: The images are not half as extreme as the content readily available on these websites for anyone to access; besides, they're meant to make a point here, relevant to the subject matter, and I would not take them out of context unnecessarily. So no, I didn't. Thank for stopping by though...:)
MOW
Let me start by saying not only have you presented a topic which will bring many opinions, but you have done it in a respectful and in an un bias way.
Also how you always seem to articulate an enormous content in such a well written way it clarity's so much. I always love your writing.
It is so weird I came here today. I understand addictions, and the signs and consequences of them.
You have helped me so much by validating a struggle I have been challenged with for some time and have been thinking I am crazy maybe in a form of denial.
My closest friend in the world, while never exposing me to his porn collection, still sometimes discusses it. He has a collection of thousands of DVD's, which I have no problem with. It's just so hatd when he gets orrotable, or starts to around 7 pm and must go to bed with his laptop by 9 for the evening.
When I clean, it is obvious what gas become hours of nightly rituals. I have no idea how harmful this is and he has no problem letting me know he watches movies at night.
I did the worst thing when he was at work last week and shamefully peeked into the laptop. I was in shock, not so much from the expensive sites and how much he watches every night but to what type of porn he is now watching.
I felt so gui;ty I told him what I did, also hoping it would open up a conversation if he might get help given the type of porn he is obsessed with. He acted and told me it was normal.
I have watched much porn, nowadays once in a blue moon but never knew these things existed
Anyways he is a beautiful person and not that he is hurting one, but i worry to what degree will this get to, will he be okay
Thank you for making me feel less alone
Kimberly
parrster, I couls qoute biblical scripture until I am blue in the face but the point remains that it is said that one should take the log out of his eye before he takes the speck of sawdust out of someone elses. To treat your GOD really and truly means how you should treat yourself. Then again I am not going to go into biblical scriptures from some who had written those words down many years after Christ died and the thing about Paul---well that is another story altogether.
With what you just said you are contradicting yourself. The Golden Rule---eh? Let's see -would you like to be treated the same way that you are treating others? Look in the mirror.
Great Hub, MOW! But, let's face it sex sells; it always has and always will. I'll never forget the time my dad threw all his daughters for a loop. He'd always raised us to be "pure and holy" so when we found his sons with porn books we just knew they would be in serious trouble. Right?
Nope just the opposite. Dad just laughed and told them that if there was anything in the books that they didn't understand to let him know. Go figure!
After that lesson, over the years I've learned others - "men are visual, men love sex, men think about sex most of the time, and addiction is a word with many faces on numerous levels." None of which are justifications for an addiction however. Great hub, that will generate a lot of hits and numerous heated discussions. You've done it again, thumbs up! :)
"...except, his hunger is never satisfied." - Says you!
I find pornography plenty satisfying. And it wholly engages the processes of imagination, i.e. what you call dreaming. I tried an experiment once where I looked at pornographic imagery and purposely prevented myself from engaging with it, from actively eroticizing it. Sure enough, it had no effect.
Also, I'm still a tender lover. It's feminist propaganda, not scientific fact, that pornography changes sexual behaviour.
But I understand your hub was intended to be more poetic than scientific or philosophical, so I'm probably just being a curmudgeon here. I enjoyed reading and thinking about what you say. Rated up!
Thank you Kim for your great input! I think as a woman there are lots of conflicts involved - one wants to be supportive and accepting and yet at some level, it makes one feel unwanted too. But talking about it and honesty is I suppose the best way to handle this.. Anyway, stay strong... and keep smiling! All scars eventually heal... :)
@ LG: I'll leave that for Par to answer.... :)
@ Money: I agree completely. That's why I included that bit, where it's the norm to watch it, and it's more like - 'get over it, whatever' - kind of attitude that most users have, which includes women also btw. Anyway, you are right... this topic is endless....and there's just no end to the different angles! take care friend, great seeing you and thx for your wonderful words.. :)
LOL @ Arthur, I actually loved your comment, and I do realize at some level i did bring my 'feminist' approach to it, though I really was trying to understand it from a man's point of view. Hence, comments like yours are appreciated! And that last bit in your comment hit the nail on the head - yes, writing this, I never realized it would lead to such heated debates on the issue for I never meant to 'question' Porn itself in the first place...! ;) cheers for stopping by...
Good blog! Pornography is highly addictive ... not many people talk about it.
Thank you Mr. Happy for dropping by! Nice to see you.. :)
No matter what the allure of porn, I am still of the belief that people need warmth and closeness from other people. Perhaps this means people need sex, perhaps it only means people need non-sexual touching, but I belief people are damaged psychologically if human contact is lacking in their lives. As a result, an over-reliance on porn can be an acting out of a frozen need--a need that is never satiated.
MOW, your eyes are wide open and you are skilled at seeing the darker side of society. Your hubs are truly enlightening. Voted up and rated useful. --as always.
Mike
Mike, do you know you are one person who's understood EXACTLY the point I was trying to make here: It's not a question of whether porn is right or wrong, it's how it can never compensate for actual human contact, sexual, emotional and psychological! It's only when the need for porn starts substituting for real human relationships that something goes missing... but even then, it's up to an adult how 'meaningful' he wants his life experiences to be.
And ofcourse, your comment sums it up so perfectly, that I really can't say it better! Take care, I love reading anything by you... :)
Excellent commentary. By the time I scrolled down to the bottom of the screen here my movie DEBBIE DOES DALLAS was over!
By the way can WOMEN become addicted to online pornography -as well?
You have composed a brilliant essay here - very thought provoking!
lol @ epigramman! I know... I never realized how strongly people felt about this topic and I think one hub is just not enough to cover all the different aspects to it. I would so love to explore the psychology behind female users and plan to do a follow up hub on just that...so lets' see! ;) Anyway, thank you for your great comment!
You did a really good job on this topic...Just as anything in life too much of anything is not good...As for me I prefer the art of touch vs. the art of the click of the mouse...
You said it mtsi! Real human touch and closeness, esp. driven by love and passion is the most fulfilling experience ever - one can almost reach another world in those moments and feel so complete within! (Athough everyone isn't lucky enough to find it). On the other hand, porn has it's own functional value for those who're looking for that kind of thing, so I'm glad we all have the freedom of our choices. Take care and thanks for stopping by! :)
Thank you so much, MOW, for this. People everywhere certainly are really trying to think this through. Here is kind of a cool take on using prayer to get past the online pornography issue:
http://www.spirituality.com/article.jhtml?ElementI/repositories/shcomarticle/Mar2010/1270063093.xml&ElementName=A%20way%20out%20of%20addiction%20to%20pornography%20and%20cybersex
Nice one MOW, it is not a problem at all, as long as there is no addiction to it. As usual I like the way you write and the words you use. Curiosity is a bog factor and a escape and the anonymity as well! Take care MOW, Maita
Thanks so much for this...this is a subject that we need to think about, because I know of people who are addicted to pornography and unfortunately it seems to be ruining their lives...
Thank you MS for reading. Generally, we don't approve links, but I want this place to be a free expression of the different points of view on this issue, so am leaving yours. Cheers and take care.. :)
Hello PrettyMaita! Soo good to see your smiling face always! Yes, lots of factors at play and too little space to cover all angles, but thank you for appreciating the effort! Warm hug x
Thank you Snwrit for reading and taking the time to comment. As you can see, there are those who argue it makes no difference to a relationship and others who feel it harms it. But I think honestly talking about it is perhaps a good place to start... :)
I think it is possible to become addicted to anything, pornography is only one of a long list of addictions, Thanks for the hub, I hope people read it and it helps them to overcome the temptation
lol..Manthy, I only hope it makes people think - beyond that, as long as they're happy and free to make their choices, it really doesn't matter. Thanks friend for reading and commenting! Truly appreciated... :)
Hi, very good and honest appraisal. There was an instance on my job, where someone logged on to a porn site and loaded down his computer with viruses. My company had already instituted limited internet use because some people were abusing the privilege. Now, it appears they will eliminate internet use altogether. If someone is so much into porn that he has to see it at work, he is in bad shape.
@ mquee, great comment, really made me laugh! lol, yes, that's one bad case of desperation, isn't it? Or maybe, he'll say I was plain bored and was only trying to kill time.... yes, who knows what drove him to it! Anyway, cheers for dropping by, and for becoming a fan! :)
I guess it's because the urge to reproduce is one of the biggest natural instincts that humans possess. Adult material is a method of boosting that feeling to the next level for some people out there.
Years ago a person had to go to a backroom of a store to find this stuff, or go to one of those shows that are for ages 18+. These days it's not hard for anyone of any age to type in a search term and find whatever adult material their looking for.. in seconds.
Good hub! :)
I agree. I think easy accessibility is one of the biggest reasons for it's popularity. Leave aside adults, how many teenagers would be able to resist? Cheers for dropping by friend, nice to see you! :)
The main problem with accessing porn online is when it becomes an obsession and takes the place of healthy relationships.
You cannot get an STD from it but if someone gets dependent on it then they lose something very important. That is, their life. Humans need interaction with other humans and not with a machine.
I know computers are part of our lives now, I am using one at this very minute but it has not taken over my life.
The thing with these people is that they have lost touch with reality.
As usual MOW you have written a very good hub. I look forward to many more.
Exactly Humming! I couldn't have said it better! Thank you my friend for your constant support... means a lot to me! Take care....and lots of love x
I personally think less pornography would exist if people were not as repressed. If we look at countries which put the "S" topic hidden away such as Japan, they are always the same places with the most "perversions".
@ steve: I can't say about japan, but I lived in middle east for a while, and this is definitely true for there! Infact, I believe that they are one of the biggest users of porn in the world, so you definitely have a point there. Thanks a lot for reading and the great comment! :)
well written hub on a difficult subject. like anything that brings pleasure, if allowed to take over our lives (alcohol, the occasional greasy cheeseburger, etc.) to an excessive degree, it can turn into a bad thing. personally i don't consider the women in the industry 'victims' as some comments suggest - they are of age and no one is forcing them to do what they do and they make good money, supposedly.
good job. and i like the images you chose. provocative yet tasteful. rating UP.
Thanks for your kind words regarding my comments to your hub from a few days ago.
Mike
Yes, Cosette, this was one of the trickiest subjects to attempt, but human nature fascinates me, esp. what motivates us, hence the interest. I'm glad someone commented on the images, because that was another tough choice, as most internet porn is very graphic (and hardly 'tasteful'), yet I had to get the images approved, plus also be able to convey the message.
Also, good point about the women in porn industry and I agree that a lot of them have made a conscious choice, though what drives them to it is another story altogether! Take care, and thank you for reading and commenting... It's meant more than I can say! :)
@ Mike: My pleasure entirely! :)
A nice article, I hope I'm not one of those who get addicted.
lol @ agusfanani! your comment cracked me up...! don't worry... hopefully you'll know where to draw the line.. take care friend, nice seeing you. cheers!
Despite our difference I can't not read yer hubs as I love yer writing and this one is most certainly one of yer best, I am also fanning you back, I regret defanning you and to be honest the only way to rectify a foolish act is to undo it, take care !
I believe your assessment of the subject is very accurate. Thanks for not being afraid to share your thought on the subject.
@ TG: Never mind, I have never kept grudges or resentment in my heart for anyone...so thank you for the kind words, take care :)
@ samboiam: I wish I knew more fear: some of my hubs could very well have a 'fatwa' against me in an orthodox muslim court, but I write from my heart...and when one does that, I guess one is only being true to oneself.... thank you for your nice comment.
Is there anyway that you could do a sequel to this one titled: "Women and Pornography". That's a great topic!
What a fascinating topic. Some of these comments are really interesting. I like that idea of "Women and Pornography" There are several schools of thought there.
@ Grills: yes, that would be something now, wouldn't it? I love exploring these 'grey' areas...the kind no one is willing to talk about. At the moment, am into studying the psychology of suicide bombers, so if I survive, will definitely follow up on this! Thanks for reading... :)
@LA: Yes, a hub is already beginning to form in my mind regarding how women into porn feel, but need to do some research first! Different views on that you say... hmm.. would love to know what you think... cheers!
Great hub, an imporatant issue and I love the approach you used for this hub. 'for every relationship door that closes offline, a hundred are opened online' I found this particuarly striking. Well done on another great piece. :)
@ wren, great seeing you, and thank you for the appreciation. I always value your comments... take care :)
please do it for me? Or actually do it so I can rub it in my wife's face! We have these discussions ALL the time!
LOL GG... you must tell me more about your views on this, whenever you find time... would love to know more. :)
myownworld, alienation with the real word is becoming more and more common.
First there was radio, then television, then videos and DVDs. Now there's the P.C, and it doesn't even stop there. There is cell phone pornography as well.
You are right about a guy wanting to feel in charge at times but that is only half of it. If a guy has been hurt in the real world then the internet is a place where he can hide and lick his wounds. The fact that he won't be verbally abused or abused in any way on line gets guys in as much as anything else. Of course if he did get an abusive person he can easily disconnect and forget about it. There will be no come back and he can imagine a world of lords and ladies, a gentile world. My thoughts at any rate.
Nice hub very informative...I'm looking forward with you for more post! Thanks.
Excellent points RM! You see, this is what I'm really interested in: different angles to the same story. I so agree that the need for 'real world' is slowly decreasing, and not just in case of porn but a whole lot of other things too (I for one have more friends I talk to online than offline!).
And yes, porn does fill that comfort need in men, esp. when real life relationships are only bruising and incomplete. We must not forget that everyone isn't lucky enough to have found real love or a meaningful relationship in their lives, and porn in many ways helps to fill in that vacuum. Thank you for reading and your insights... much appreciated :)
@ dean: Thank you for reading and the comment! Take care :)
Thanks myownworld. You are right when you say pornography is only the tip of the iceberg.
The thing with pornography is that you can spend so much time with it or with fake television families, radio announcers female as well as male who buddy up to you over the air, etc that your chances of finding real friendship, real love and real relationships in the real world can become nonexistent. Filling a vacuum may seem fine at first but sometimes the vacuum needs to be there so that it may some day be filled with the real deal. My continuing thoughts on the subject.
@ RM: Yes, exactly! That's the other side of the picture : such a fine line between just enjoying it for what it's worth, and becoming totally dependent on it! I like that: 'Filling a vacuum may seem fine at first but sometimes the vacuum needs to be there so that it may some day be filled with the real deal.' So true!
You know I'm thinking you could do a great hub on this.. almost like an extension of these thoughts here. And I could link it to mine. Do give it a thought... I for one, would love to read it! :)
Insightful MOW. I can say so since I too experienced this insight with my addicted late husband. I feel he led me hear today to read your words so that I would finally understand what he experienced. We were best friends you see and if I listen, he still guides my actions moving his thoughts into mine. However, this is not all I extracted and will take away with me. Keep up the good works. See with your inner eyes.
@ Mys: what beautiful words! Thank you...! Do you mind my asking if it hurts you still that he was addicted to porn or are you able to come to terms with it now? Sorry, I don't mean to pry, just trying to understand what it must be like for you. You come across as a deep and generous person, so I hope you'll understand. Take care.. :)
Well written and mostly fair. I would argue that a lot is still missing. Sensory modality is not addressed at all--and while I know this will probably draw arguments--even biological imperative, particularly in a post feminist world where the old, culturally promised male status has had its promise removed by the magnanimous (if slowly enlightening) society that was carved out of the barbaric wilderness by male aggression of that very same biological imperative (excuses/condemnation for history being waved off with a yawn), the wolves run off, and yet somehow, enough philosophically dedicated civility remained to allow the discourse, albeit with twists and knots of agony and war, allowed a culture to become what it is and, far outstripping the biology, a psychological and cultural new universe for which our ape bodies are not accustomed, has not really been hit upon robustly.
I realize my comment can easily be turned as an excuse by those unwilling to think on it very hard, but I trust you, by your treatment above, to not. Which is why I will hit enter on this remark. (I can see why you are as popular as you are. I will read more.)
sometimes you have to explore to find the right person for you.. hope we will find them
@rolan 19: i think not, because finding the right person for you means you don't really need to find them at all, because if he or she really is the right one for you, then there is no need to go to an adventure, the right person will come only at the right time so no need to venture
my comment about the article:
this is a very well made piece. i hope i can make something as good as this or something even a little less than this. for me, this is a very great find for me to learn from
@ Shades: First of all, it's good to see you here, more, to read your unique perspective on this. Your comment makes me smile, for it does stress a very valid point - one that I admit (influenced by our 'post feminist, psychological and cultural new universe' - my excuse yes!) I have failed to convey. I was actually so engrossed in analyzing porn as an addiction, and what turns it into one, that I didn't spend as much time focusing on what generally motivates interest in it. Which, as you so rightly pointed out, is also driven by a very basic need in man, born of a body wired for it, without much thought involved.
How high can man in his higher capacities reach, and yet how his body, in it's primal needs, pulls him back to the earth! (Not necessarily a bad thing though). Anyway, I grew up with 3 brothers; I should have known better! ;) Thank you for reading and feel free to share more of your thoughts. They're most appreciated. :)
@ rolan: Thank you for reading... if you mean, porn serving as a way to explore our sexuality, our preferences for the kind of partner we we seek, so yes, that too is possible. :)
@ jez: Thank you for your kind words...and best of luck with your writing!
MOW, what can I say....Quite brave of you to take up this subject for a hub. I know, I certainly wouldn't have been able to tackle this subject, so well done!!
You've covered the subject quite well. Very well laid out and quite comprehensive. Just had a look at the poll you had on here. Right now, it says 42% require their porn daily.
I guess that gives one an idea of the 'addiction.' IMHO, I think men require porn more - think they are more visual creatures and require more visual stimulation than women.
I am not sure about "too much porn," but personally I think grown-up men watching porn is not a bad thing and don't think it really reflects his needs not being met in a marriage of relationship. Men are going to watch porn irrespective - that's the conclusion I've come to!!
Great hub once again and are you considering a hub about "Women and Pornography," that would be something, wouldn't it :)
lol @ Shil! Great comment I must say, and you know what, I'm beginning to think the same way after this hub: that men watching porn is not such a well thought out process in their minds, but more of a basic need for 'visual stimulation' as you say. As for women watching it, not so sure if it's as simple as that! Thank you for your appreciation! Coming from you, means a lot...!
Btw. I know no fear when it comes to writing, sky is the limit really.... ! ;) take care.
My World!
what do u think about the woman..........i am waiting for your answer..
well done by the way
Thank you Siam for reading. Do you mean, women watching porn? Well, I already mentioned at the end of my hub that I plan to do a follow up hub focusing on female porn users. So, this is just one side of the picture! :)
When people start watching porn they can't find a way out to stop.
Thank you xiomara for stopping by! Perhaps, yes...
The women in the porn movies, videos, and webcams are not victims. They are fully aware of what they're doing. Nobody forced them into it, it was a choice of their own. Women like to blame men the porn industry. If the husband or male partner in the relationship is in love with his porn, then the female counterpart needs to find out what it is he likes. Too many women are not willing to go to the extreme to please their man. Shameful! I personally honor a woman who doest whatever it takes to keep the relationship together. I was even told by a woman who was married, had a family, that porn is a useful tool when lovemaking. Most would disagree, but I honor women like her who are very committed to their relationship. There's nothing wrong with spicing up a relationship. Sex in an elevator, on the roof top, outside in the backyard, etc. Similarly, when men go to strip clubs, it's because there's something there for them to see, but then if he's married, he should go to his wife and explain to her that she needs to put on some lingerie and dance for him so that he wouldn't need to go to the strip club. It takes honesty, communication, compromising, and faith to keep a relationship working. This is just my opinion.
This is an interesting hub. I personally cannot condone pornography for many reasons, I truly hate it, but I appreciate this hub. There are so many people I know that laugh at the thought of porn becoming an addiction, but it really can. And in many cases it has poisoned relationships as well. I love the way you wrote this, not really condemning or condoning, simply listing facts in a very soft way. I am going to have to read more of your stuff, now! :)
I believe the addiction will cease when you are so used to it. It's like when you're full, eating some more will make you vomit. It will become more of a thing that will make you laugh about.
I feel worse for the girls who have to work in the industry than for the guy who is addicted or his girlfriend who feels betrayed. Im not saying I have never watched it but the storylines are crap and the special effects are not that good. I dont know how you can get addicted to it its not like crack where you can do it all night, you would peal your skin off trying that (Ouch!) any cases of that happing? just want to know i don't need a picture ;)
Now if they come out with life like dolls you can plug into the USB port and they will move along with and feel like the girls on the computer, then i could see that causing problems. Not for me because i coudln't afford somthing that high tech and cool. But it would cause problems for guys with good credit and no willpower.
Good post.
@ Rookie: thank you for that great input - it's truly valued. You see, it's very important for us to discuss how men feel about this issues, so women can understand it's need and couples could work toward a more honest, fulfilling relationship.
@ Kim, thank you for your kind words..much appreciated :)
@ subkie: your comment really made me laugh. cheers!
@ John: Great comment! Well, someone else could argue that these girls 'choose' to do what they're doing, though I personally think there might be a hundred different reasons leaving them no other choice. Complicated story again. Also, addiction is not just physical, but mental and emotional too, so there are lots of other levels one could go overboard with this. Plus, there are the adult finder sites/facebook of sex etc. linked to many of these sites, where you could simply arrange to meet people for free casual sex within the hour, so there is no limit to the possibilities out there! Thank you - really enjoyed your comment!;)
Insightful and absolutely correct! When you mentioned "endless choice", the sound that escaped my lips was "aha!". Wow!
@ Emmy: Thank you for reading and the nice comment :)
Astute observation - hoping not from personal experience. Beautifully written.
@ Heather, thank you for your kind words. Human mind is an amazing thing: it can take you places far and wide, and make you walk in anyone's shoes if one but wishes to imagine it. (Most of my hubs are the same). I'm happy you liked this.. take care :)
Wow...you bring your writing to bear on the "inner" world of what can lie behind the computer screen. I like how katiem2 said it..."the world is changing"...in fact...it done went and changed while we were sleeping. In other words...it has already changed. I can see no wrong in something done artfully and in taste...however, I don't thing porn is mainly done in art form. If a beautiful lady wants to show off her charms...then who would I be to stop her...:)? Then, as you have pointed out...it goes on and on into the multiple variations from there. All the while...where is the actual charm of said lady...where is the human interaction and commitment of being with the one you love? The jury is out...and no one even wants to make final conclusions...cause everyone is having fun. At what point is enough, enough? You bring up many good points on this Hub. It is an awesome and relevant Hub.
@ Manly: Amazing comment, but then what else can we expect from someone like you! I so agree, most cyber porn is in real bad taste, and in fact some of the graphic content leaves you sick to the stomach. But there is obviously a demand for it, so who am I to say anything! Yes, it's all changing and faster than we can imagine it, but strangely enough, human beings have yet to turn completely into machines, even though they're trying hard to! Wonderful seeing you old friend, do take care, much love x
I will go on record as saying I think pornography is in general a healthy outlet for many. Of course there are sicko aspects and abuses. Erotica is for the most part a delicious thing, fantasy and masturbation are also quite enjoyable and good for you. We in the USA are so hung up and conflicted when it comes to sexuallity. Enjoy - Get off over and over again. You won't go blind or burn in hell.
very intresting read . To be honest porn and everything that comes with it is a real big issue . I watch porn and the fact of the matter is that addiction to porn is like anything . It makes you feel good . Most guys watch porn beacuse they feel down , want a little excitment . the fact of the mater is that if you asked me i would rather have a women than watch porn . Porn has no emotion , no feeling it is just lust and fantasy . sex is readily avaliable and it is no suprise "that sex in an 1 hour with a girl is advertised on porn web sites . But with anything there is always emotion involved .Porn has no emotion . Tricky subject to talk about though diffrent circumstances for diffrent people.
lol @ MSA: Great comment - made me laugh! Leaving aside all religious taboos, which are not even in consideration here, I do agree that people are generally quite reluctant to openly talk about their sexuality or experiment in general, in which case, porn can play an important role. The thing to remember is being able to draw that line between just enjoyment and an unhealthy obsession. Cheers for stopping by! :)
@ motivated: I'm assuming you're a man, and giving us a male perspective on this, which I'm really interested in and value a lot. I like where you say, 'porn has no emotion', and that you'd 'rather have a woman than porn.' Just being aware of this I feel is the key thing. But you are right, it's such a complicated issue and who knows how and why different people see it.
I personally, would give anything for the very real arms of the man I love, and everything else seems incomplete once you've known that feeling. But then, everyone isn't as lucky in real life! Thank you for your input - please feel free to add thoughts whenever you wish. :)
You have done an excellent job of describing the life of an internet predator addicted to porn. Very real indeed. I am quite impressed. Thank you for publishing this very important information.
Myownworld, in response to your reference to adult friend finder, I tried that site about 3 years ago. It was a complete rip off. There were thousands if not hundreds of thousands of guys there and hardly any real women. Those sites are set up to feed into men's fantasies that they can find women for casual sex just by signing up. The truth is most women do not behave that way, at least not enough of them to build a sex-site out of.
I did the trial for a month and instantly sent out 30 emails to these beautiful women that wanted to have casual sex. Nearly all of them answered with links to their real website, one that I needed to pay additional money for. I never thought that far. You know the old saying - fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me. Needless to say after 2 weeks I canceled my account and never went back.
I just wanted to share with you that most if not all of those sites are rip offs. Most women who are looking for casual sex are not going to join a website like adult friend finder to get it. There are easier and safer ways for them to find it. It was a good lesson for me though. I never paid for another sex site, and the lesson only cost me $19.00.
Take care and keep writing awesome post :)
@ Recovery: Thank you for your kind words. Truly appreciated :)
@ John, this was great information, I have to say, so thank you for sharing it! Yes, it is definitely more likely for women on adult finder sites to meet up for casual sex for money (cyber prostitution?) but I noticed too in some of them, the girls were very young (in their teens) and were obviously in it for experimentation. In any case, one must be desperate - for money/sex or whatever other reason - to be offering yourself for free sex online. And who knows who's been forced into it, or who chooses to do this for free. I agree though that most of them are in it for money, so there definitely had to be a 'catch' somewhere, no?!
I wish more men would be as forthcoming and share their personal experiences with internet porn/sex sites. One learns so much! :)
Is it wrong to film yourself masturbating, and then masturbate to that video later on? Just wondering what your opinion on that would be...
LOL @ NU: you mean as in watching one's own image as porn? That's an idea.... well, whatever works for you...! ;)
Thank You! I've been developing quite a complex over here.
lol.. I don't believe you! But you know what, I know couples who use their own videos or their partner's for this purpose, and I personally think thats a great idea if you want to experiment. This way, women especially don't feel so cut off from the guy's 'fantasy'!
So then maybe I should use a sock puppet so I don't feel like such a degenerate?
oh you poor little thing! Who could resent you some harmless indulgence... ! Yes, feel free to experiment! ;)
Then, you may now refer to me as Puppet Master!
I am now the Master of my puppet sock domain!
interesting read.. m impressed, lady
@ NU, you're a darling little squirrel, and that's what you'll always be! Now stop aiming big! ;)
@ Hungry, thank you for reading and the comment!
Very good hub. You made some very valid points, and I believe this applies to many women as well as men. There is no threat in on-line relationships, no rejection, and no demands. You hit the hammer on the head. Good job. I'm adding this to my addiction site. (: v
Thank you Valerie... your words have meant a lot. :)
Hi myownworld!
Very interesting look at pornography. And as always, so beautifully written and eloquient. You are such a great writer!!!
As you are aware, pornography is not adictive to most people. It is the biggest internet industry, watched by MILLIONS of people in most countries. There are some adicts, but they probably do not amount to even a percentage. I also think that most people are quite aware of the fact that those are actors. In facrt, the best thing about watching any thing dramatic is to forget that they are actors.
I do watch some pornography some times and enjoy it in the moment. I really think it is better with a partner.
The main problem tends to be the bad acting. That does bother me. I think that many women like porno too. Through the years, I have watched porno with different women. Their reaction tends to be like mine. They enjoy watching the sex and the naked bodies, but are bothered by the actual acting. The internet does present a problem in some cases, when the title does not give you an indication of what you will see. I have been grossed out some times. Well, that is the price of freedom.
Any way, I am not too interested or concerned with porno, but I am always interested in our freedom to have it available.
Nice reading your stuff again! I had missed you. I have not been getting any anouncements about you publishing new stuff, so I had to come for a visit.
Gramon, you must be my guardian angel, who always comes to cheer me up in my darkest moments. Strange, isn't it, but each time I read your words I'm always comforted by them. I guess, the fate of strong women is they aren't really strong at all... they just internalize their sadness but very few can see through the smile and calm into that hidden vulnerability. Your words, my friend always make it to that part of me, and for that I'm truly grateful to you.
As for the hub, I completely agree with your comment...and you've highlighted some great points. "I am not too interested or concerned with porno, but I am always interested in our freedom to have it available."- Yes, that's my take on this too. I don't know know about bad acting, but personally some of the stuff grosses me out, but as you say, it's all about the freedom of being able to choose, and there must be demand for it to be there in the first place. And yes, I agree that more people watch porn without getting addicted to it than those who don't, so overall, it's serving a very important need in many. Live and let live - and if something offends you simply walk away.
Anyway, thank you friend for always being there. No, I don't write here so much anymore because real life commitments often don't leave me enough time or energy.... but I'm here nevertheless. Do take care, I hope all goes well with you...? sending you a hug x
Very passionate. I can see some men going off the deep end with porn, but overall I think it's a healthy and normal activity for any species.
Men are just wired for visual stimulus.
Besides, there's plenty of reasons to look at nudity--I love fine nude art, and in particular the curves and beauty of the female form.
Also, pornographic material is good home work for new ideas behind closed doors. ;)
Your comment made me smile Ixxy. Nudity as art and beauty.... yes, that's yet another angle to this. I guess it all depends on individual tastes, how you view it and what you make of it....! Thanks for your great input..and for becoming a fan. :)
MOW, this is a powerful, beautifully written hub! You have an amazing talent, as I've told you before!
Thank you Habee for your kind words.... it's great seeing you here! :)
After a long break I am back and what a interesting topic to start off with..v well written and simply awesome...must say u have written such a sensitive topic wid great ease...keep up da good work MOW!! Have to catch up wid ur other hubs also..BTW porn can be a great stress buster..lol :-)
lol @ jay.. hey, how are you? Good to see you back. Cheers for the amazing comment and am glad you enjoyed the.. um...hub! ;)
:)) Great Hub.. and from what I can see you do not need me to say it .. Informative and HONEST!
I like this...its a grown up way of thinking, I love your writing, I will certainly be looking forward to more from you..and please let me into yourworld hehehe :)))
xx
Hey MOW Iam good..just been too busy of late..so had taken a break from writing...will be writing my hubs soon now and hav to read all your hubs..ur style is pretty esoteric and I love it..keep up da good work n keep inspiring mortals like us :-)
@ Leptirela: Pleasure to meet you too. And thank you so much for your warm words. I look forward to reading your work soon too. :)
@ jay: You know I just write from the heart, that's all... but so do you, I know, so stop that, ok? And hey, don't burn yourself out reading so much.. just am glad to know you're doing well. Take good care...:)
I am thankful to Feline Prophet for pointing me to your site and I can see why. :D
As in all things, there are two sides to every coin and I look forward to seeing your observations on the female of the species in the same context :D
Thank you Greek for reading and commenting. Much appreciated. A special thank you to FP too. Yes, I need to delve into female psyche and fantasy till inspiration flows through. Take care, nice meeting you! :)
Just popped by to see how the controversial hub is going. Miss you tons!!! xxoo
Oh how wonderful to see you justine...!!! Where are you? Do come back... you're so missed here! Here's a hub EL wrote for you: http://hubpages.com/hub/Prayer-AlertHubber-gone-mi
Those lines from Vendetta you sent me still haunt me... Take care my friend...know I'm here for you x
Pornography is evil. You can see this by the twisted words of those who justify it. All that you wrote in your article is true. You covered all the bases. Porn starts to take the place of real women. Women are objectified. Evil comes in through the eye and this becomes the portal through which demons travel into your soul. Great Hub!
Thank you for reading and commenting. Well, we're all free to make our choices - to indulge, enjoy, like, dislike and walk away. Anyway, nice to see you James and did you notice the ads have been disabled on mine?! ;)
I never notice ads. I just don't see them. So I didn't notice. I have three Hubs with the ads disabled. Sorry!
lol.. it's alright, I personally don't mind since I don't care about earning from these hubs. But sorry, about yours. What I find more frustrating actually is knowing google has tagged our hubs as 'inappropriate' just because they address serious adult issues. I mean, there ought to be a way of differentiating between an educational, artistic way of dealing with adult subjects and one which clearly isn't. Nevermind, I'm glad to see you again! take care :)
Im down to half an inch....
Ill go read the hub, thank you.
xx
I have a question Myownworld. Pornography is predominantly a male problem. But most of the women who I know well enough for them to be honest with me use vibrators and dildos.
Do you think that women's addiction to sex toys is an equal problem as men's addiction to pornography?
I have never personally had a problem with women using sex toys but I can imagine some men probably get jealous for the same reasons women get jealous of pornography. The industry is so big now (no pun intended) that I know women who have sex toy parties just like Avon or Tupperware. Some food for thought, your hub got me thinking about it.
@ oh justine, hell I wish I didn't understand all too well...! take care friend... come back soon x
john, that's a very interesting point you mention, and you know what as i write this, a hub is already forming in my mind! It's not so much the sex toys ( though more of us use them than people know) but the female orgasm itself I think that is the real sensitive issue here - and constitutes that 'gray' area in women's sexuality as does porn in men's. Hm...just as men are secretive about porn, women can be equally so about their fantasies, except they are more in the mind than merely a physical pleasure. In short, the sex toy is there to help, but the visual (porn) in not as essential as what she creates in her mind. In fact, you've inspired me to write a hub about this.... so thank you for that!!! :)
Glad I inspired you.
I look forward to reading the hub :)
@ John: it's my pleasure entirely! thank you! )
Porn has been instinctual in the male psychy since painting on the walls in caves. The obsession has always been there and the female psychy has always been trying to use that obsession to their benefit. Male fantasy of a return of Affection is just as strong and if it is not returned then a plethora of negative effects can manifest.
I agree with you Mentalist acer, thank you for reading and commenting! :)
Excellent Hub, very sensitive topic, you presented it on very tolerant and understanding way.
Pornography is so boring to me (erotic is something else) that I cannot understand how can somebody continuosly watch it - only as a way to run away from all other aspects of life. But I am not man, so my brain works differently.
Porn brings only animal pleasure, quick and efficient, but altough is "without emotion" it obviously has it´s high price for many of users - which is addiction and money which is spent on these moments of pleasure.
As a woman, I can only say that men who watch too often pornography tend to use the same approach in sex with REAL women as they had seen on porno-movies what cannot be good. Porno actressess are PAID for their performance which is so often very sick, while ordinary women are not, they seek for loving relationship so usually cannot adjust to porn standards (why should they, anyway) so this can bring big chaos to relationships.
With pornography all secret sex-wishes or men are fulfilled in virtual world - what effect this has on "ordinary women", when men try to materialize their imagination in reality, is completely another problem.
I tried to read your article when you publish it for first time, and I could not because you needed to unpublish it am so happy to find it now.
I am also planning to write about this topic, when I will have enough of energy for that (LOL) because this subject is very sensitive.
You are excellent writter, MOW, thanks for publishing this Hub.
Thank you Tatjana for your wonderful comment. I know what you mean, and god knows how many different levels there are to this issue... I've myself learnt a few just through all the comments here!
As a woman, I don't have much taste for porn either; I don't know about you, but a fantasy/thought in the 'mind' is a much more powerful thing for me personally. But men (atleast, most of them) are way more 'visual' than we are, and porn serves a more physical, basic pleasure for them, without too much thought going into the process, unlike women. I think the only sad part is when someone would rather do porn than spend time with the woman in his life, and that is where the lines begin to get hazy. Anyway, take care and thank you so much for sharing your thoughts - truly appreciated! :)
I so love going onto my computer, hot tea in hand, and finding that the last sight visited was something like "her first time." I have no problem with my bf taking a look every now and then, but god i wish he was better at deleting the history. Every time that happens i feel as though i found a brothel reciet in his pocket, haha. Arthur is right, its not always something that turns into an obsession, but you are right as well. Some dudes are just never satisfied, and the porn replaces their want for femal intimacy.
Thank you Pink for stopping by. This hub in itself is inspired by someone who would rather spend time watching porn than with the person he loves....and I find that quite unbelievable. I think it just makes the woman feel 'shut out' and at some level, 'inadequate'....almost as if she has failed to completely satisfy him and that's where the relationship starts suffering as well. On the other hand, lots of women can be supportive of their partners watching porn, if they are made to feel special and wanted otherwise. So, I guess, a lot depends on how secure your relationship is and how well and often you communicate with each other.
Take care, and hope you stay strong, always :
hi myownworld .. thank you for this important topic in which in my case i used to c Pornography . in which i learned from it many things but no all like sex types , positions . it is useful to learn from it but some times it can be harmful if it Substituted real sex.
also it is useful to c the other side in order not to be surprised in ur first date
Yes Morsi, some people (esp. teenagers) do use pornography for educational purposes also.... cheers for reading and welcome here! :)
I wouldn't know the things I know today without being a teenager.. and using it for educational purposes *cough* while I was at that age. :)
lol @ origin!! Well, you have to understand it from everyone's point of view.... and there are all kinds of reasons driving people's fantasies. I bet there's not a teenager under the sky who hasn't watched porn without thinking it wasn't a 'normal' part of growing up. Actually, saying it's 'educational' is just me being polite - it's probably much more basic and hormone driven than that! ;) Good seeing you old pal! x
You have gone into the depth of dangers of cyber sex. It is a disease that is so much spread in our world, yet we in the real world refuse to accept it as a disease... a simple problem which creates ripples of other problems silently and effectively...
Thank you free4india for reading and commenting...and for your wonderful fan mail! :)
For such a topic, written in a very decent and dignified manner...you have bought forward the deep insights of a male thought process and the sequence of scenarios and actions which leads to one getting addicted to porn online...have you done some research or what...eager to read the female perspective on the topic...I guess no other writer has acquired such notice and taken the center stage as you have...I am extremely impressed by your efforts...I wish we could meet in person some day...
lol jamsheed, I'm glad you appreciated this hub - it takes some courage to read something like this doesn't it, esp. if one belongs to a certain culture. Actually, you'll be amazed to know that porn personally doesn't do a thing for me, and it took less than 10 minutes of research to get the facts down... but it's the psychology of a man's mind that fascinates me more....and it's that that inspired the words, rather than porn itself.
Sometimes, I think I get scared myself at how easily I can put myself into the shoes (and minds) of anyone I want to imagine.... more so, because I know little fear when it comes to words. Sad too, because I know my work will never be appreciated by most people of my own culture.... though I never stop longing to reach them.
Never mind though, the world is like a wide open sea....and you never know which shore you're swimming towards....
take care jamsheed... perhaps, we have already met through these words... :)
Your fascination towards men’s fascination fascinates me…never heard that from anybody…
I realize that to write something which has to reach a common man’s mind, one has to put himself into the situation of the topic and relate to things…that’s when you reach their hearts on a broader perspectives…you have the uncanny ability to do so and it’s great to be interacting with such a wonderful person…
Every man views porn one or the other time in his/her life…but as it is construed to be a taboo in some cultures is what makes everybody deny the fact…the way you have brought forward the fact that porn addiction ruins one’s social lifestyle and puts relationships into jeopardy is worth appreciating…
I am happy that such topics which would be considered as forbidden to even mention, has been bought forward by you and I am sure that everyone who reads it would realize and relate himself to it and hopefully learn a lesson from it to better his life…Thanks again…
So true to your words…I feel I know you already through your thoughts and words which you express in such solicitous manner…It’s amazing knowing you-:)
Hy MOW: This has to be amongst the best hubs on this subject I have read here in the 9 months I am on Hub Pages. Finally a mature treatment of the sometimes thorny subject that causes so much controversy. Your dealing with the issue in its proper context results in a lot of largely intelligent comments here, and they are just as amazing as the hub itself, which is the wonder and miracle of Hubs! I personally think that the need for porn to be in the world will always be there, and I don't object to it, as long as it is consenting adults and not kiddie-related, because that is obviously a no-no.
I wonder what some hubbers think about the way pornography is policed and "deterred" by authorities in some countries. I have a friend who when arriving in Canada - was asked by a guy in uniform was there any porn on the laptop he was carrying, as if there was, he'd be in very big trouble.
I admit I am curious about why so few ladies ever bother with Porn. Some people here noted that women have their own penchant for their little toys! Too true! Is that the female equivalent to the male and porn thing? It sounds like it's dumping on men a bit, I think.
The world is definitely changing, and the proximity that people have to porn is becoming more ever more prevalent. Although we can only hope we trust people will know what to do about that, I worry about kids being exposed to porn and how it affects them.
And so much of the notion behind "Porn is bad" is very much down to relativity. I think that argument is waning a bit, though it still is a big issue. I thoroughly enjoyed this fascinating hub, and you must be commended for yet another fantastic hub. Cheers!
@ jamsheed you overwhelm me with your comments... thank you so much my friend. Words are such a powerful too in helping people connect; they are, above all, a great outlet for the passion we feel within.... for life and all that fills us with pain and joy in it. Am sending you much love and inspiration.... take care :)
Cheeky, seeing you and reading your amazing words really put a smile on my face! Hope you're doing well? Yes, I have truly loved all the comments here - they really are more fascinating and varied than anything I could ever write! Yours being one of them, of course.
You raise some very interesting points - female sexuality is just as abstract as male fantasy is physical - and one can never really grasp what truly motivates different people to the things they do in their private inner worlds. But though I worry too about my own children ever coming upon porn too early, generally, I feel all adults should have the freedom to see it or not. Banning it or forcing people away from something definitely is not an answer to anything in life. Btw. do you know that one of the biggest customers of porn are the middle eastern countries? Interesting isn't it, since it's a huge 'taboo' there! Actually, it's not porn itself, but people's 'judgements' about those using it that I find more remarkable...
Anyway, great seeing you and thank you for your wonderful words... take care, always x
That comment you make about middle eastern countries being the biggest customers of porn only goes to prove that if you ban anything this will cause people to want it even more. In countries where it is legal and it can be accessed at any time then most people don´t bother. They know it is there but have plenty of other things to do with their time.
Nice to see you Humming... Yes, as long as it's not accessible to children, I do agree that banning things against force only fires curiosity and mystery, hence people continue doing what they are; they just get better at hiding it. So, it's not so much that people lose interest in porn when it's more easily available; they are just less hypocritical about watching it - unlike some cultures where I know people would rather die than admit to it. Not exactly a crime you see, but banning it makes it unnecessarily so. Take care friend.... and thank you for reading and your support. :)
I've never really had a problem with my BF looking at porn online as long as he's looking at adult women. And as long as he doesn't pay to do so, because there is plenty of free porn out there. I figure it's only looking, he's not going to hookup with these women.
My problem is with women he emails or chats with.
And I feel anytime a man puts his profile as single, he's lookin and there is the potential to hookup. Men who are committed in their relationship may look at porn, but make it clear they are in a relationship otherwise.
Porn is just another way of strengthening one's imagination.
-PJK
ps I wanked it to the pixxx on this hub.
@ thank you Linda for sharing this; well, looking at porn is not the same thing as cheating with a woman in real life, though for some women it could be. It basically all boils down to the honesty and strength of your relationship and how secure you are in it. take care, and best of luck with your boy friend; I hope you're able to communicate and talk about these things with each other, in which case there is always hope. :)
@ pjk...yes, I agree, it can serve to fuel the imagination, though even that depends on person to person. It might actually disgust some! Glad you enjoyed...
Hey !! I love porn when it's good. And I'm a woman. I don't think only men watch it. Or maybe I'm a weirdo ? LOL Haven't see anything worthwhile lately, but I don't give my search up. So yes, I watch porn when in the mood for new findings and some cyber action as well.
BTW, I like your new profile comment. Cheers ! ;)
Awesome read. I think you hit the nail on the head.
Great hub
@ Tantrum, lol... I knew it! Hm.. I plan to do a follow up hub someday about women and their fantasies, might interview you first! Take care friend, you rock!
@Brian, thank you for reading and the appreciation... :)
Awesome hub! I have something I need to mention about it but I have to run out. I will be back. Thank you for this though and I hope what I learned will add to your research. Sorry I have to go but be back soon. Jess
I agree with you 100% that pornography is addictive and people that say otherwise are kidding themselves.
Hey MOW, another side of you handled with style. The quality of the comments on this hub is a tribute to you and the esteem in which you are held by all of us, since it could easily have degenerated like a frat party. Personally I would much rather watch Grace Kelly in To Catch a Thief, Angelina in Mr. and Mrs. Smith, Gwyneth in Shakespeare in Love etc. Pornography is like junk food with all the additives and empty calories, more satisfying to eat real food. =:)
@ Life, thank you for reading and commenting! I'm really interested in what you had to say there, so when you find some time, do share your thoughts :)
@ Muneeb, well, as you can see from the comments here, a lot of people watch porn and claim not to be addicted to it, addiction being a constant, compulsive need over which you have little control. Cheers for stopping by :)
@ lol Winsome: I loved your comment - yes, you said it, it's like junk food, and anyone who's really tasted true love would only be disappointed! Thank you for your kind words...I have truly valued each and every person's insights here, including yours. Take care, and hope you do well. It's wonderful seeing you here :)
you are one classy, sensitive soul. I love how you have handled this topic. I would imagine it is harmless on occasion. But those wrapped up in a virtual world of porn risk losing a vital part of themselves. I once had a close friend who fell into it so deeply that he could not handle a real relationship, his feelings had become so detached. he would openly admit that he thought relationships were too much work and he would prefer calling a prostitute whenever he wanted the real thing.
I think there was more going on with his 'reasoning'; he still had bitterness over a divorce, had a failed relationship with another woman because he couldn't commit and she left him. It's interesting to see what leads someone to it where they immerse themselves into its web. Personally, I don't watch it. I think the mind is far more imaginative. tasteful and provocative.
@ rebekah: You have as always voiced my own thoughts perfectly! Yes, that is exactly what I meant to convey here... the case of someone like you mention i.e one who is so caught up in a 'virtual' world that he/she stops valuing real relationships, even just friendships. Interesting too that you mention the word 'detached' - so true, that sense of detachment is one characteristic I've noticed of people who're addicted to cyber porn/sex etc, after all, it's so much easier not to care too much about anything or anyone in life, isn't it?
But then, as you say, there are always reasons behind the way human beings act, and I seriously believe, this detached way of handling relationships (while substituting them with casual ones/cyber obsessions) stems from a fear of getting hurt... because in the past they have been hurt deeply. Besides, all of us are born with an inborn need for the higher, refined things in life, while there is something very basic in us too - just depends which side of your being, you're more in touch with - depending once again, on our experiences in life. However, as mentioned earlier, for most, porn is not an addiction at all, but just another outlet for pleasure and they are quite capable of healthy, normal relationships in every day life, so one can never really generalize.
Anyway, thank you so much for your wonderful comment... but then coming from you, I'm not surprised. take care - I always value everything you ever write. :)
I don't know if I should laugh right now thinking of the obscurity and strange lifestyle mainly men go by..or smack the next man I see. You pretty much got to the point here. Truly admired every aspect you perceived porn through a male's pupils. But even after reading this hub, I still and don't think I will ever truly understand a man and his perception on sex. I see it, but I have to be a man in my second lifetime to feel it.
Hi myownworld, I've read this before, yet the other night I remembered soomething for no apparent reason and I thought I would add it here - though it is a little off topic, but not a lot.
Some years ago I worked in a pub/restaurant and a waitress much younger than me worked there. She was a lovely girl, very popular and extremely clever. She was taking her GCSEs and going on to A Levels and was expected to do very well at University.
But then her mother suddenly decided she had to move out of the house at 16 and she had no choice but to give up A Levels and find a full time job. She worked in an office but then disappeared and moved away with a boyfriend. That was the last anyone heard of her for a long time, she even lost contact with her best friend.
Then one day someone brought a porn mag into the pub (discreetly, I would add) and she was in it. Nobody, not even the men, thought it was good. Everyone was just shocked that such a clever person with a bright future could end up working in such an industry. Though it's doubtful that would have happened had her own parent not shown her the door...it's a slippery slope sometimes.
Anyway, I just thought I would share that with you, since I have not thought of her for years and I have no idea why she suddenly came into my head. Take care :)
@ greenatheart, lol...what a great comment! Made me smile, because it's so true, though I'm sure men would say the same thing about us women! I know I've tried to get into the mind of a man, only to realize it was something very 'physical' driving him instead - while with women, isn't it just the opposite? Take care, and thank you for reading :)
@ Polly: nice to see you here....I can so understand how one thought leads to another, so thank you for sharing this. To tell you the truth, a lot of porn stars may or may not end up as sex workers and may just be 'actresses' trying to make a living because circumstances somehow led them to it. Or they may even turn to prostitution, who knows! I should however add that cyber porn is much more diverse than the traditional one in print for e.g. there are lots of 'home videos' available where young couples tape their intimate lives and put them on the net.
In case of 'professional' women esp., whether they choose this life style, or are forced into it, there must be certain circumstances and early experiences that lead them to it; hence I feel we can never judge anyone. (And yet, we all do at the back of our minds, don't we?). in any case, it must be a tough thing to live with, and despite everything, these women must struggle to be accepted and respected just like anyone of us. But once again, we can never know nor generalize.
I feel for that girl... as you must have done too, I can tell. Take care, i hope your'e working on a book? It needs so much discipline, doesn't it?
Young couples making home videos for the net? Now that is something that is hard to understand any couple in love wanting to do. The more you learn, the more you realise just how completely different some people's way of thinking really is sometimes...and yet, like you say, we never know how an individual's situation has come about in the first place, and how a person's psychology has been shaped by their lives.
I must admit the book writing has been taking a bit of a back seat lately - I am really struggling to find time at the moment to fit things in and to find periods of free time that are longer than half an hour! Hopefully that will improve in a few months, though. Have you started yours yet?
@ Polly: Yes, I know, it's a whole world out there, catering to all tastes and demands - just very different from mine and yours! ;)
As for writing, I have the same problem Polly, what with my job and family expectations, there is never enough time for it. And the little I do have, I felt I was spending too much on this site, which in the long run I find severely 'limited' for creative writers. In fact, all online writing is.
I've therefore stopped writing much here, and only will do so when I find some extra time. And since real life doesn't leave enough for writing a full length novel at the moment, I've been busy writing short stories for different competitions; (infact only recently submitted a 5000 word story for one). It's a great way to get something concrete written down and eventually develop a portfolio an agent would approve. Better than spending your life writing hubs that are basically meant for commercial purposes - and even then a regular job could pay you triple the amount with half the energy and effort! Anyway, hope you can find more time to write... you have so much talent, it's a pity to limit it to just hubs... :)
great hub - but I think from my own experience women are just as fond of porn as men - I posted a thread today as reported in the Mail about a 30 year old woman who died from using porn in England.....Irish
@ cheers Irish for stopping by! Nice to you here. Maybe, you're right... most women just don't admit to it I suppose. Btw. lol.. I just read your thread, had me in fits! Am working on a follow up hub on female fantasy... your thread will come in handy! take care.. :)
Good hub, I agree with Irish, so many women use sex toys these days..is her mans body not good enough for her? is that not lustful? just a little something to add to the mix :P
lol... richie, female orgasm is as tricky a subject as men's fantasies...so I guess, a whole new hub is needed just to cover that dimension! But hey, good to see you... take care old pal...and cheers for stopping by! x
Women are manipulative creatures (some, not all). Men can be vulnerable beings who often 'live for the moment' not taking into account the future consequences. Danger, Danger, Danger!
So many men (about 90%) practise sex during their teen years, some for their whole lives. What sort of view would you take to this?
Great blog @ myownworld.
Explains the real true nature of porn as an online addiction.
Interesting comment info and welcome here! Consider it strange, but I really do not have any strong opinions on the way other people lead their lives: my interest has always been what drives them towards what they do. In other words, not the action itself, but what thoughts/emotions lead to it. Hence, men or boys (or even girls, for that matter!) will always have sex, watch porn etc... why some restrain, others delay, and yet others enjoy totally varies from person to person - their personalities, upbringing, culture, personal circumstances etc.
Yet, teenage pregnancies, sexual abuse/ disease as well as addictions - anything that causes harm or hurt to an individual (the downside of all this) is where my concern lies and it is this that I want to help and understand. Hope all this made sense. Anyway, thank you for taking the time to read and comment :)
wow loved the pictures,great hub, loved it!!
Thank you dawn for reading and appreciating this :)
Holy Crap, this hub seems to be getting alot of frickin attention... great topic, very risky, yet modest.. keep it up...ttyl
lol @ EP: Is it? I do know though that google disabled ads on it, even when Hp allowed them, simply because of the use of the word 'porn'! Amusing, no? Thank you for stopping by... your comment certainly cheered me up! :)
Porn is wrong & it's a dark addictive spiritual tug of war that makes a person lose what intimacy is meant for. It can take down a person just as well as a drug addiction, it is bondage. Jesus offers us freedom & the power to overcome all works of darkness. Sex outside of marriage causes lots of problems, diseases, on & on. Porn divides a marriage & sows a seed for divorce,adultery, and heartaches that can last a lifetime! The images that are seen in porn can leave a photographic image in your mind that can be replayed over & over at anytime to cause a torment that's leads to no self-control. Also it sets a man up to an open door to child porn and abuse because of lack of self-control. Be careful what you put before your eyes it will come back to haunt you- a life down the drain all for the sake of temporary pleasure that will destroy a life and it is strait rebellion against God!
Thanks for trying to tackle this subject- I don't agree with porn. Look at what it does to a family!
Thank you heavenbound for your comment. An unhealthy obsession with porn, to the point where real relationships fail to satisfy is definitely a frightening thought and can be a source of much strain between couples. Not to mention, some of the other extreme forms of porn esp. involving underaged girls and boys. But when all is said and done, we all are free to make our choices (and should be too) and it's up to an individual to walk away from what he/she disagrees with. Thank you for stopping by and sharing your thoughts :)
Hello myownworld,
I don't know where to begin. I'm beyond amazed that you so directly and intimately reached into the male psyche here. Far too many women do not understand the basics of what you wrote here in my experience. Porn is one of the most insidious of addictions because it imbeds iteself very early in most BOYS lives, before manhood. The lies porn pedals are legion and the worst is the lie of emotional support. I agree with one commentor that porn has no emotion, BUT, porn tells the lie that it indeed does. Once trapped, this addiction costs money, loss of connection with loved ones, lost opportunities with potential loved ones and debases the boy's/man's self esteem.
As a writer, I am beyond impressed with your ability to write on this subject with laser accurate skill. With writing at this level, there is no doubt as to why you have so many followers with so few hubs. You blew me away with this one, just as you've done with your other writings. Thank you and keep writing. As you can see, many, many, many of us admire your work.
@ Michael JK: What can I say, comments like yours are a writer's dream and mean all the world to me! This was definitely one of the most interesting hubs I've done, more so because of the varied comments I've received here (I have so loved each and every one of them :)
Yes, 'insidious' is a good word to describe this addiction, because one doesn't realize when and how it infiltrates into one's system, turning from the occasional indulgence into habitual need. And I agree, the process often starts with young impressionable minds, though many do turn into perfectly normal adults without being obsessed with porn. I guess, like most human behavior, it is almost impossible to generalize and that it all depends on individual cases. Thank you once again for stopping by and your wonderful and kind words.
Good Article.
Porn should be done away with period. If it damages so many relationship among other things why even keep it. Porn just needs to go, no questions asked.
@ DK: Thank you for reading. We all should have the freedom of our choices - to indulge in or to walk away. Awareness I think is a better place to start... :)
This is an excellent hub about a subject I think too many people do not take seriously enough. This is a subject that I'm very familiar with. My husband is addicted to internet porn, and chatrooms, and he has even subscribed to internet dating sites that cater to married people looking to cheat discretely. I caught him once because of a monthly charge to his credit card I questioned and then a girlfriend of mine told me about it right before Valentine's Day.
I also caught him making a date with a women he knew from a chatroom just a few weeks after we were married. He has since been to therapy for this. I believe it has helped, but now he avoids the computer almost completely, except for those things he needs for his business. He says the temptation is too great, the women too willing, and he doesn't completely trust himself not to get sucked right back into misbehaving.
@ Disturbia: Thank you for sharing your personal experience. I can only begin to imagine how hard this must have been for you and I think a lot of men don't realize how an obsession with porn can make their partners feel almost 'inadequate' and 'unwanted' - unless, of course if it's a shared, mutually agreed thing.
Moreover, online pornography is just a totally different thing altogether from the occasional magazines that men once used to enjoy... and most people (esp. women) are still unaware of just how many dangerous choices there are available online. I call them dangerous because in the wrong hands and with someone lacking self control, there is no limit to losing oneself completely to it... and how it can begin to impact relationships. I wish you and your husband luck with this... atleast, he's willing to make an effort; many would just get better at hiding. Take care x
Your hub and all of the other comments already presented several points of view and opinions on this, so I'm just going to say that it's incredibly well written, since I didn't say it before, when this hub made me follow you =) Of course, I've read more of your stuff already.
@ anon: Thank you for your kind words, and for following. Much appreciated :)
Great hub as always. I am not nor will I ever be into porn. It boggles me why anyone would want to do anything as degrading as porn. I have three daughters and it would kill me to see them degrading their selves like that.
@ gr82bme: I know what you mean, and yet even according to the readers who voted under this very hub, statistics show that 38 % people need porn every day of their lives, while 24 % occasionally and 19 % will pass. As for me personally, I'm with you on that - porn doesn't do a thing for me, esp. if you've known the real beauty of human closeness with someone you love... yet, I can understand others seeking it. It's a free world after all... and we can only be responsible for the choices we make in our own personal lives. Thank you for reading and for all your great comments. :)
Phew..got to drag down like a couple miles to post ones comment on this page..it is wonderful how this post of yours, which was also the first one I had read from you has received such an astounding response..your writing and comments move me like nothing else… Congrats and wish you all the success and happiness..Chao..
@ Magic: Always, great to see you Jamsheed. Yes, this hub has been quite popular owing to it's theme, and I really want to do a follow up on women some day. I so love exploring different themes and aspects of human nature... and yet, am unable to write unless words flow naturally. (I hate forcing them). Anyway, hope all goes well with you... if you ever need any help with anything on hubpages, feel free to email me. (I have set my filter on high as I get a lot of unwanted mails here, but if I know you're writing, I will keep a look out for it!) Thank you for being such a support always x
I think the rules of life change constantly and we have to keep up with what happens and what people do to please themselves and each other. The media seems to sexualise young teens ever more, and this is an area few bother to look at. The net is truly part of every day life, and separating it from people is all but impossible, now even governments are asserting people's human rights to have net access. So we are getting even closer to the content on the net. And just as coders found ways of getting around music protection on MP3 music and DVDs, so too will people find ways to view things online that they are not allowed to view. It's amazing how many teen males have access to and view online porn.
I can see how porn might be immoral to many people, and maybe there people who have never had an immoral thought in their lives.
There are people who work hard to make us feel embarrassed about our thoughts and they like to control us. I have found that it is not good to always trust people in authority when it comes to morality, because the more power they attain, the more likelihood there is of them abusing that authority.
"Poor is the person who's pleasure depends on the permission of another..." Great hub, and thought provoking stuff.
Sex is sex no matter how it is done. From the purely biologic level, sex engenders pleasure in the participants and the fact that a life may be produced when the appropriate coupling occurs have become irrelevant and the idea of perpetuating one's specie as an evolutionary consequence of "mating" have been lost altogether in a cultural millieu that assuage instant, ephemaral, and ultimately aimless gratification. Therein lies the conundrum... which you so subtly inferred in this absolutely lucid, luminous and levitating hub. I have just become an instant, long-lasting, purposeful follower of your prose.
Dear lady(myownworld),
very interesting Hub.! so clever of you to share this topic, i appreciate your knowledge about this particular issue. i must say you are right at every angle, i personally know people who are like those you mentioned above. honestly i did not read all your responses as comments written here, koz time is my weakness, well life itself is such(Talking about time) :-) have to compromise.......
i just dropped down to leave my point of view.! last but not least i would like to tell you keep it up and keep writing and share ur ideas..
love and blessings
Take care.
This is an interesting topic. Very well written. I am looking forward to the study of women and porn addiction.
You are so wonderful! You have a beautiful soul! God bless!
This is a great article, and is very relevant for many couples. Porn can be fun if viewed together in a healthy loving relationship, but if abused, it can become very addicitive.
MOW..just stumbled across your article. Very well written and pertinent.. and though I guess you were trying to be clinical about it... I think that this topic is quite close to your heart. One of my friends is suffering from Porn addiction (he ignores his wife, watches porn for about 8-10 hrs a day and upto 15 hrs on holidays).
I feel men turn to porn initially because of the novelty, like say smoking or drinking. Easy availability then feeds the desire to see more. The human brain requires stimulation and once it has been stimulated to a particular level, only a higher stimulus will get it going..or give it that high. Porn with all its variety is exciting and since he cannot experience such variety any where else, watching it on the net becomes a compulsion. Most porn addicts are highly intelligent people who need a high level of brain stimulation. Finally, virtually or reality- the brain needs to be stimulated...to feel pleasure. So porn is one of the means to do that..
In marriages, once the couple becomes familiar, then priorities change and boredom sets in. Making love becomes more of a chore than actual pleasure. Many wives use denial of sex as punishment for various issues..when this becomes a pattern, the husband then looks else where..(no justification , just a reason). Then the woman feels cheated, hurt or angry..well Just too bad..some outlet had to be found and porn it is..
Anyway, there is no right or wrong answer. Porn sells, and people want to make money. Is it worse than selling cigarettes or alcohol (which are equally harmful for health..I dont know). Everybody wants to make money and if someone is willing to spend it..why not take it...:)
This is an interesting topic. Very well. Your topic is beautiful as like you
Wow! I felt like I was reading poetry. Very nice hub. I personally hate porn. I believe sex should be between two people in privacy. Men or shall I say "boys" are so weak when it comes to a women's body that the thought is enough to strike some wood. The thought of a man masturbating to it sickens me beyond belief. The more they do it, the more they need it, then it turns into their escape from the real world, much like alcohol and drugs, and in some cases, food! We all have our addictions and to me, this is right up their with drugs. I was in a relationship with this guy, with whom I busted doing it 3 times. He denied all three until on day, he decided to be honest and said he felt embarrassed. This is one of the worst addictions now a days, because it is supplied to every age, in every form or color and for FREE. It's the easiest thing to become addicted to. I can't sit here and judge a person in the porn industry, because to them, its "okay" and simply because it's wrong to me, doesn't make me right. I can, however, say I hate what they do and will never be with a man who has to use this junk. Nothing will every compare to real love and a real women's body, but a lot of boys find it easier to just find away around the emotional connection so they don't become hurt, or dare I say, fall in love. Very beautifully written! You must be a poet of sorts :)
Interesting and very important topic you actually shared in here which is almost causing lots of havoc in our relationships and i readily agree with you on the tips you listed in here.Nice work and am rating this one up.Cheers.
Very difficult and important topic on which people don't like to ask few words. you have certainly presented a detail analysis. thanks for sharing.
Brave of you to take up this subject for a hub, BUT YES porn are very bad for men, first they imagine, then they go take .... Aids and death … and many a good man has fallen through porn …
Interesting subject. You certainly have a way with words. I enjoyed this. It's not something I'd typically read, but I did find it interesting. Thanks for your insights.
Hi - Great hub. Your descriptive settings and use of the senses are out of this world. I enjoyed the article, and have seen movies and read about sex addiction. It is so sad as are all addictions. I feel sorry for wives who end up in this tragedy of pornography. Your pictures are vivid, and your article is easy to follow. It would be fun to know where you learned your creativity. I will look again at your profile. Thanks for sharing.
Interesting topic. but I just don't understand, when a lady makes the analysis and a judgement, why the others shoot a porn? It's easier to judge the customers, why do they buy a product. Please try a little on the other side - those who makes men's "weakness" their business!! Don't they send a message too?
I love the way this hub looks, even though I'm not interested in porn. The photos are exquisite and the text well-written. No wonder it's so popular. Later!
Okay, myownworld, there are two more things I've noticed about this hub and your hubbing. This hub has no advertisements, presumably because Hubpages won't allow it. I've got two hubs like that. Also, your followers to hubs ration is over 50 to one. I've never seen a higher one, so congrats. Later!
Good Hub! Gained a lot of knowledge!
This is a great hub. The information you have presented is very easy to understand.
Non-offensiveUser 2 years ago
That sure is some hub you have yourself there. You pretty much nailed it though. This is a multi billion a year industry that relies on the hidden and guilty pleasures of everyone from the creepy old man on the corner to the people running the country. It is an alternate reality that knows no rejection or shame. It's a place where for the price of admission, your imagination is your only limit.